


road trip

by bees-oldhomestuckfics (49percentchanceofbees)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2019-09-06 17:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16837345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/49percentchanceofbees/pseuds/bees-oldhomestuckfics
Summary: For no godly reason, a bunch of trolls stuff themselves into a too-small car and head out to explore Earth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> > I know I got Terezi's quirk wrong. I wrote this three and a half years ago. I do not care enough to fix it.
> 
> > Mostly just archiving stuff from my Tumblr in case Tumblr explodes.
> 
> Seating chart: Kanaya driving, Terezi shotgun, Karkat squeezed into the middle of the backseat between Equius and Aradia, Nepeta on Equius’ lap, Tavros on Aradia’s lap

GA: If The Rear Portion Of The Vehicle Does Not Become Quiet I Will Stop This Conveyance Immediately

GA: This Means You Karkat

GC: 00H, 1’LL DR1V3

GA: No

CG: I WILL GLADLY SHUT UP AS SOON AS THE BROKEN HORNED WONDER STOPS SWEATING ON ME!!!!!

CG: GET YOUR DISGUSTING MUSCLE SACKS AWAY FROM ME!!!!

CT: D –> Um

CT: D –> I am endeavoring to obey

AA: im pretty sure that he just sweats m0re every time y0u 0rder him t0 st0p t0uching y0u

AC: :33 < thats how it usually purrks!!

GC: Y0U C4N S1T 0N MY L4P, K4RK4T. >:]

CG: BITE ME!!!

GC: 1F Y0U 1NS1ST. >;]

AT: i SAW ANOTHER COW,, tHAT MAKES 67

AT: aND ALSO,,,,,

AT: iF, aS A HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO,, i WAS FEELING SICK

AT: fROM THE MOTION, aND, pOSSIBLY, fROM THE SOMEWHAT GORY COURTROOM DRAMAS, tHAT tEREZI IS PLAYING ON THE RADIO,,,

AT: nOT, tHAT i’M SAYING,, aNYTHING AGAINST THOSE

AT: aND, tHE SMELL, wHICH IS RATHER STRONG,,,,

AT: tHOUGH i DON’T WANT TO SPECULATE ON ITS SOURCE,,, oR, aCCUSE ANYONE

AT: bUT IF i, fOR UNKNOWN REASONS,,,,,

AT: nEEDED TO THROW UP,

AT: dOES ANYONE KNOW, hOW i MIGHT FIT MY HORNS, tHROUGH THE WINDOW

CG: DON’T YOU DARE

CG: NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO VOMIT IN THIS GASOLINE TRAP

AT: tHAT’S WHY i AM TRYING, tO VOMIT OUTSIDE THE GASOLINE TRAP

CT: D –> I could break your horns to get them to fit

CT: D –> I’m sure I’m STRONG enough

AT: uM,, tHANKS, fOR THE CONSIDERATION,,,,, bUT NO THANKS

AC: :33 < you r33lly do smell soooo bad equius

CT: D –> As the individual with the highest b100d color in this car

CT: D –> I order you all to stop commenting on how I smell

CT: D –> This car is not large enough for an adequate supply of towels

CG: DON’T THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE THAT YOU BURST INTO FRESH SWEAT WHEN I ORDERED TAVROS NOT TO THROW UP IN THE GASOLINE TRAP

CG: YOU’RE SICK

CT: D –> You should call it a car

CT: D –> The other term is 100d language invented by low b100ds

CT: D –> So I suppose it is adequate for many of the trolls in this car

CT: D –> But some of us may aspire to more elevated, e%clusive language

AC: :33 < can i say gasol33n trap??

CT: D –> No

CG: YOU JUST STARTED SWEATING TWICE AS HARD

CG: I HATE YOU!!

CG: PLATONICALLY

GA: Okay Thats It

GA: It Being The Maximum Amount Of Nonsense I Am Willing To Tolerate At The Present Moment

GA: We Are Stopping As Soon As I Find A Suitable Location

GC: C4N 1 DR1V3 N3XT?

CG: OVER MY DEAD, DECAYING, WORM INFESTED BODY

GA: No

AT: 68 COWS

AC: :33 < look everybody i have a solution

AC: :33 < karkitty and equius can switch places and ill sit on kks lap

CG: HOW DOES THAT HELP AT ALL? I’D STILL BE SITTING NEXT TO THAT LUMP OF OVERACTIVE SWEAT GLANDS

AC: :33 < ok i wasnt done!!!

AC: :33 < then equius and aradia can switch places and tavros will sit on equius’ lap with aradia in the middle!!!!

AA: 0_0

CT: D –> I could not possibly lower myself to be a beast of burden for a low b100d

CT: D –> Also I am fairly certain that you just wish to sit on the mutant’s lap and I cannot allow that

CT: D –> I forbid it

AC: :33 < ok well what if aradia sat on your lap with tavros in the middle?? ;33

CT: D –> I

CT: D –> Might be amenable to a plan that involves closer contact with that particular low b100d

CG: OH GOD, THE SWEAT AGAIN. IT’S GUSHING. WHEN WILL MY SUFFERING END?

AA: n0

AA: i have a name y0u kn0w

AA: and he is n0t sitting 0n my lap

AT: aLSO, i THINK IT WOULD BE BEST, iF I STAYED NEAR THE WINDOW

AT: sINCE I’M STILL NOT FEELING,,, tOO GREAT

CG: OH YES I WOULD LOVE TO ESCAPE BEING SWEATED ON BY EQUIUS JUST TO HAVE TAVROS VOMIT ON ME

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!!!!

CG: HOW ABOUT THIS FOR A PLAN CREATED BY SOMEONE WITH TWO BRAIN CELLS TO RUB TOGETHER

CG: TEREZI AND I WILL SWITCH PLACES AND SHE CAN ENJOY THE SPLENDID EXPERIENCE OF BEING WEDGED IN NEXT TO THE SWEATY MUSCLEBEAST

GC: 1 C4LL3D SH0TGUN

GC: Y0U C4N’T 1NT3RF3R3 W1TH TH3 4NC13NT 4ND 1NV1OL4BL3 TR4D1T10N 0F SH0TGUN, K4RK4T

GA: Shes Right

GA: Terezi Was The First To Speak The Arcane Incantation Of Shotgun

GA: So That Throne Is Her Dominion Forevermore

GA: Until She Should Choose To Give It Up

GC: >:D

AT: 69 COWS

GC: B3S1D3S, MY N0S3 1S T00 F1N3 TUN3D 4ND 1MP0RT4NT T0 R1SK CL0S3 C0NT4CT W1TH 3QU1US

CT: D –> I ordered you all to stop discussing my odor

CT: D –> This topic of conversation will abso100tly cease immediately

GA: Thats What I Said

CT: D –> We will return to altering our seating arrangements

CT: D –> Which I believe can be arranged to impr00v everyone’s m00d

CG: EQUIUS, DUDE, LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE HINT HERE

CG: ARADIA IS NEVER GOING TO WAX FLUSHED FOR YOU

GC: 0H MY G0D K4RK4T 4R3 Y0U S3R10USLY G01NG T0 G1V3 H1M R0M4NT1C 4DV1C3 R1GHT N0W?

GC: 1S TH3R3 3V3R 4 T1M3 WH3N Y0U C4N’T B3 D1V3RT3D BY QU4DR4NT D1SCUSS10N????

CG: WELL SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT. YOU LOT AREN’T GOING TO GET YOUR QUADRANTS SORTED BY YOURSELVES

CG: AND I’LL TAKE ANYTHING TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE CURRENT ASSAULT ON BOTH MY PERSONAL SPACE AND MY OLFACTORY BULB

AA: this really isnt a c0nversation that we need t0 have

CT: D –> I concur

CT: D –> You will drop this topic as well

AT: tHAT’S THE 70TH COW, i’VE SEEN ON THIS TRIP

CG: WILL I?

CG: ACTUALLY, YEAH, OUT OF RESPECT FOR ARADIA I’LL LET DEAD LUSII LIE, BECAUSE I, UNLIKE SOME OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS GASOLINE TRAP, AM NOT A TOTAL TOOL WHO STOMPS RIGHT OVER OTHERS’ FEELINGS

CG: SO I’M JUST GOING TO SAY THAT I WILL BE SINCERELY SHOCKED IF YOU EVER FIND A MATESPRIT

CG: BECAUSE ONE, YOU’RE DISGUSTING, AND TWO, YOU’RE CREEPY, AND THREE, WAIT! THE FIRST TWO WERE ENOUGH TO WARD OFF SEVERAL PLANETS!!!

CG: YOU ARE LITERALLY OUR SPECIES’ COLLECTIVE ARMPIT

AC: :33 < you r33lly could stand to be a little micer to other people equius

CT: D –> Micer?

AC: :33 < nicer

CG: SERIOUSLY, NEPETA HAS BETTER ROMANTIC PROSPECTS THAN YOU AND SHE LIVES IN A CAVE

AC: :33 < :oo

GA: Okay This Session Of Karkats Quadrant Advice Is Officially Over

CG: WHAT, ARE YOU JEALOUS THAT I’M NOT TACKLING YOUR THORNY PROBLEMS, MARYAM?

CG: THORNY OR WEBBY!!! o:B

GA: Im Still Looking For Somewhere To Park

GA: And When I Find It There Had Better Be Order In This Contraption

GC: Y0U H34RD TH3 DR1V3R!!

GC: 0RD3R 1N TH3 C0URT BL0CK! 4NY FURTH3R D1STURB4NC3S W1LL B3 D34LT W1TH W1TH 3XTR3M3 PR3JUD1C3 BY Y0UR FR13NDLY L0C4L L3G1SL4C3R4T0R!!!!!

GC: 3SP3C14LLY 1F TH3Y C0M3 FR0M 4 C3RT41N NUBBY H0RN3D L0UDM0UTH!!!! >:]

AT: oKAY, tHERE WERE A WHOLE BUNCH OF COWS,, aND i, lOST COUNT

CG: THIS IS

CG: THE

CG: WORST

CG: ROAD TRIP

CG: YOU CAN SEARCH THE ANNALS OF NOMADIC JOURNEYS AND THIS WILL BE DECLARED, WITHOUT A DOUBT, THE MOST AWFUL

CG: THOSE ONES WHERE EVERYBODY RAN OUT OF FOOD AND HAD TO FEED ON EACH OTHERS’ CORPSES? BETTER THAN THIS

AA: it c0uld be w0rse actually

AA: we c0uld have invited vriska


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I know Terezi's quirk is wrong.

EB: welcome to ecto burger, home of the slime shake, how may i help you?

CT: D –> Do you have any products that do not originate from the slaughter of beautiful creatures

EB: um

EB: we have salads?

EB: theyre pretty awful though

AC: :33 < equius this is not the time for your squ33mishness!!

AC: :33 < we have to eat m33t to live, its that simple!!!

CT: D –> Yes but

CT: D –> It

CT: D –> Makes me uncomfortable

CG: PLEASE DON’T GIVE HIM A REASON TO SWEAT, THE STENCH IS BAD ENOUGH ALREADY

GA: What Does Everyone Else Want

AT: aRADIA, dO YOU WANT TO SPLIT, aN ORDER OF FRIES?

AT: i’M STILL NOT FEELING, tOO GREAT, aND i DON’T THINK I CAN EAT TOO MUCH

AA: 0k

AA: i d0nt really want anything but we can d0 that

CG: NEW RULE, TAVROS IS NOT ALLOWED TO EAT

CG: OR HE CAN ONLY EAT THE MOST LOVELY AND FRAGRANT OF FOODS SO THAT IT’LL BE LESS DISGUSTING WHEN IT COMES BACK UP ALL OVER US

AT: i DIDN’T THROW UP, iN THE GASOLINE TRAP, tHOUGH

AT: i MEAN, i VERY MUCH COULD, tHAT’S STILL KIND OF AN ISSUE,

AT: bUT i’VE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD

AT: aND i AM HUNGRY

AA: karkat, tavr0s and i are g0ing t0 split s0me fries

AA: there is n0 need f0r y0u t0 get inv0lved here

EB: um

EB: so i have one salad and one order of fries?

CG: IF TAVROS IS GOING TO THROW UP ON ME, IT’S MY BUSINESS

AT: bUT i’M NOT

AT: i MEAN, i UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN, bUT i’M DOING MY UTMOST TO AVOID, tHROWING UP

EB: guys

EB: my job performance is based on how quickly i get customers through the line

EB: i kind of need your order

EB: not that your bickering isn’t veeery interesting!

EB: how about you, with the glasses?

EB: what do you want?

GC: HMMMMM

GC: 1 SM3LL S0M3 D3L1C10US BLU3B3RRY FLAV0R, 1 C0ULD TAK3 S0M3 0F TH4T. >:]

EB: we dont serve anything blueberry flavored though?

GC: 0F C0URS3 1 C0ULD 4LS0 G0 F0R S0M3 CH3RRY C4NDY. >;]

CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

GA: Quiet Karkat

EB: uh

EB: we have slushies?

EB: i could do a blue raspberry and cherry swirl slushie

GC: TH4T S0UNDS P3RF3CT

CG: TEREZI!!!!!!

CG: GOD I’M USED TO YOUR INNUENDO BUT YOU CAN’T JUST SPRING IT ON SOME RANDOM HOOFMEAT FACILITATOR

EB: was …

EB: was that innuendo?

CG: IT MOST DEFINITELY WAS

GC: G0SH K4RK4T S0 S3NS1T1V3

GC: C4N’T 4 G1RL 3V3N BUY 4 SLUSH13 W1TH0UT Y0U TH1NK1NG 1T’S 4LL 4B0UT Y0U? >:/

GC: Y0U'R3 S0 S3LF-C3NT3R3D

GA: Karkat You Are Not Permitted to Police Terezi’s Drink Choices

GA: You Need To Make Your Own Order

GA: Or Nepeta Does

EB: what about you?

EB: dont you want anything?

GA: Uh No

GA: I No Longer Recieve Nutrients From Protein Masses

GA: Or In Solid Form At All Really

EB: ok …

EB: thats kind of strange

EB: are you sure you dont want a slushie or coke or something?

GA: Um

GA: Ill Take A Cherry Red Slushie

GA: Ive Never Tasted That Flavor

CG: OH MY GOD KANAYA, NOT YOU TOO!!!!!

CG: I CAN ONLY HANDLE ONE CREEPY CHICK AT A TIME!!

GC: >:[

GA: Look Karkat This Has Nothing To Do With You

GA: Im Just Buying A Slushie

GA: Terezi Is Right

GA: You Should Stop Assuming That Everything Is About You

EB: ok

EB: what about you, miss?

AC: :33 < oh!!

AC: :33 < ill have the kitten nuggets

EB: what? :?

AC: :33 < i m33n chicken nuggets

AC: :33 < wow kitten nuggets would be soooo awful!!! 33:

AC: :33 < that was not a good pun

EB: ok, so ive got

EB: a salad, an order of fries, a cherry slushie, a blue raspberry and cherry slushie, and chicken nuggets

CT: D –> I require e%tra grub sauce

CT: D –> You will inc100d e%tra grub sauce with my order, I command it

EB: ok, all the sauce packets are over by the soda fountain

EB: also um

EB: something smells

EB: kind of

EB: like the inside of an old gym bag

AC: :33 < thats equius!!!

AC: :33 < now that youve got my orfur im going to go raid the elimination closet for dispussable absorbency squares

CT: D –> The appropriate terms are rest room and paper towels, Nepeta

CG: AND SHE’S GONE

EB: ok um

EB: good luck with that cat girl!!!

EB: what about you?

EB: the shouty one?

EB: what do you want?

CG: I WANT SO MANY THINGS

CG: NONE OF WHICH YOU HAVE THE POWER TO GIVE ME, YOU PATHETIC PURVEYOR OF PULVERIZED PROTEIN

GC: W0W K4RK4T

GC: W4Y T0 B3 RUD3

GC: W3 JUST C4N’T T4K3 Y0U 4NYWH3R3 >:[

GC: M4YB3 Y0U SH0ULD JUST G0 S1T 1N TH3 G4S0L1N3 TR4P WH1L3 W3 34T 1N H3R3 W1TH TH1S P3RF3CTLY PL34S4NT BLU3B3RRY B0Y

EB: wait … im the blueberry??? :o

EB: so i guess that …… was …. innuendo

EB: im not sure im totally comfortable with that

CG: SEE, TEREZI??

CG: SEE WHAT YOU DID?

CG: NOW HE’S GOING TO HAVE TO REPORT YOU TO THE AUTHORITIES FOR INAPPROPRIATE COME-ONS.

CG: YOU’LL NEVER BE A LEGISLACERATOR WITH THAT RECORD!!!!!

GC: 0H MY G0D, SHUT UPPPPP K4RK4T!!!!

GA: Karkat Please

GA: I Am Approaching The Attitudes Commonly Described As Desperate And Begging

GA: Order Your Food

GA: And Let Us Retreat To A Serving Platform

EB: ok im not going to report anyone

EB: liquid food girl is right, i just want to get your order finished

EB: preferably without more weird flirting and screaming and arguing!!!!

EB: please just give me your order, mr. shouty mcyell!!!

CG: FINE

CG: SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY

CG: I

CG: UH

GC: Y0U H4V3 N0 1D34 WH4T Y0U W4NT T0 0RD3R, D0 Y0U?

GC: Y0U W4NT T0 B3 TH3 0N3 T0 D3C1D3 WH3R3 W3 G0 4ND WH3N W3 ST0P 4ND WH3R3 W3 ST4Y BUT Y0U C4N’T 3V3N D3C1D3 WH1CH M34T D1SC T0 BUY!!

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3 TH4T’S H1L4R10US

CG: NO, SHUT UP, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

CG: I’LL TAKE THAT.

EB: you … just pointed at like half the menu

EB: do you want me to just ring you up for half the menu?? because i can do that if it finally finishes this order!!! :/

CG: NO, DON’T BE RIDICULOUS.

GC: K4RK4T 1 KN0W WH4T Y0U SH0ULD GET.

GC: H3’LL H4V3 4 …

GC: >B]

CG: OH NO

CG: I’M COVERING MY EARS

GC: CR4BBY P4TTY!! >:P

EB: we dont serve seafood though!!!

EB: like im glad you got to make your cool joke but there are customers in line behind you and i really need to put this order in!!!!!!

AA: karkat just buy s0mething

GA: Please

AT: i, uH,,, mIGHT NEED MORE THAN JUST FRIES, nOW

AT: i’M SORRY

AT: iT’S JUST, wE’VE KIND OF BEEN HERE, a WHILE, aND i’M jUST, gETTING HUNGRIER

EB: ok what do you want?!?!

AT: uH

AT: cAN i GET AN APPLE PIE?

EB: yes! great! you can get literally anything you want as long as you actually tell me in a timely fashion!!!!

EB: ok so ive got a salad, fries, cherry slushie, blue raspberry/cherry slushie, chicken nuggets, and an apple pie

EB: is that it or is shouty actually going to order something???

CG: I ORDER YOU TO SHUT UP.

CG: ALL OF YOU.

AA: 0_0

AA: equius just started sweating again

CT: D –> I

CG: GOD, EQUIUS, I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!!!

AT: oKAY, tHAT’S, a LOT OF SWEAT

GC: 3WWWW.

AC: :33 < ok im back

AC: :33 < whatd i miss?

AC: :33 < wow you guys still arent done??

AC: :33 < i figpurred youd be at the serving platfurm by now

CT: D –> Nepeta you will stop using such awful low b100d language

CT: D –> It’s a table

EB: oh god

EB: my manager is coming

EB: im sorry rose!!!!

EB: thats it im putting in your order as it is

EB: if shouty wants something he can get back in line and order it

CG: WHAT

CG: THAT IS SO UNPROFESSIONAL!!!!

CG: DON’T THINK I’M NOT GOING TO FILE A COMPLAINT!!! WHAT’S YOUR NAME, BLUEBERRY BOY, SO I CAN INCLUDE IT ON THE COMPLAINT FORM?

EB: john egbert

EB: and tbh im thinking about filing a complaint too

EB: maybe i can make it a rule where we dont serve parties larger than 5??? i dont know!

EB: anyway your order is in, you need to pay and get out of the way!

CG: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT??

CG: I CAN’T GO BACK INTO THAT REEKING GASOLINE TRAP WITHOUT SOME SUSTENANCE

CG: I WILL ACTUALLY DIE

CG: DO YOU WANT TO BE GUILTY OF TROLLSLAUGHTER, EGBERT???

EB: maybe!!!

EB: no i really dont

EB: but look i have other people i have to serve!!!

AC: :33 < you can share my food karkitty

GA: Look

GA: Heres The Currency

GA: Im Putting Extra In Your Gratuity Receptacle For The Aggravation

GA: Were Going To A Serving Platform Now

GA: Dont Say A Single Word Karkat

GA: I Will Be Forced To Resort To Violence

GC: 1F W3'R3 1NC4P4C1T4T1NG K4RK4T 1 V0LUNT33R!!! >:]

CG: FINE, FINE, I’M GOING.

EB: thank you!!!!

EB: are they … always like that?

GA: Yes

GA: Sometimes Worse

GA: Joining This Expedition May Have Been A Mistake

GA: Although I Am Known For My Ability To Manage The

GA: Pause Spheres

GA: Excessive Passions Of Others

EB: wow!

EB: well better you than me!!

EB: ill call you when your order is ready

EB: thanks for coming to ecto burger!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terezi's quirk wrong? You don't say.

CG: OK SO WHAT AWFUL, HUMILIATING SACRIFICE DO I HAVE TO MAKE TO GET OUT OF THE BACKSEAT?

CG: HOW ABOUT I DRIVE? I’LL JUST DRIVE AND KANAYA CAN SIT IN THE BACK, SINCE SHE’S THE ONE WITH ALL THE PATIENCE.

GA: I Dont Have Much Of That Left Actually

GA: And You Know Why Youre Not Allowed To Drive Karkat

CG: I MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE!!!

CG: EQUIUS’ WHOLE EXISTENCE IS A MISTAKE AND NOBODY BUGS HIM ABOUT IT!!!!

AC: :33 < that was m33n karkitty 33:

GA: You Drove Us 20 Miles Out Of Our Way To Make Sure That The Driver Youd Been Tailgating For Half An Hour Saw Your Rude Gesture

GC: L00K, K4RK4T, N0W Y0U’V3 UPS3T N3P3T4

GC: Y0U N33D T0 AP0L0G1Z3. >:/

CG: WHY? I SAID NOTHING BUT THE HONEST-TO-GRUB TRUTH!!!

CG: AND EQUIUS ISN’T OFFENDED, HE’S GETTING OFF ON IT, I CAN SMELL THE FRESH SWEAT FROM HERE

AC: :33 < no its ok he doesnt have to apurrogize

CG: I’M SORRY, NEPETA, BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A GIANT PUSTULE AS A MOIRAIL YOU’RE KIND OF GOING TO HAVE TO GET USED TO PEOPLE CATALOGUING HIS UNPLEASANT QUALITIES.

AC: :33 < no i get it

AC: :33 < equius is kind of cr33py

AC: :33 < im aware

AC: :33 < i just wish you would get along a little better

CT: D –> I am not pleased to have become the topic of conversation

CT: D –> Again

CT: D –> If you have nothing to do but disparage me I can find you a task more fitting to your social status

CT: D –> Otherwise this will stop immediately

CG: RIGHT, I WAS BUSY TRYING TO SIT SOMEWHERE WHERE I CAN ACTUALLY BREATHE.

CG: I’VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TELL EQUIUS HOW AWFUL HE IS, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

GC: Y0U SH0ULD B3 C4R3FUL K4RK4T

GC: 1T 4LM0ST S0UNDS L1K3 Y0U'R3 F33L1NG …

GC: T0RR1D

GC: T0W4RDS 3QU1US >:0

CG: NO

CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

GA: Karkat Half The Restaurant Is Staring At Us

GA: Please Moderate Your Volume

GA: Pause Spheres

GA: Karkat I Asked You To Moderate Your Volume

GA: Not Make A Rude Gesture At The Rest Of The Establishments Occupants

CT: D –> In any case I could never e%cept a caligin00s solicitation from the m00tant

AC: :33 < ok im going to have to go back to the elimination closet for more disposable absorbency squares before we leave

CT: D –> Nepeta please m00nitor your language more appropriately

CG: OH GOD

CG: EQUIUS, SHUT UP

CG: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DISCUSS QUADRANTS. I AM THE QUADRANT MASTER. ONLY MY OPINION MATTERS IN THAT AREA.

GC: 0K 1’M PR3TTY SUR3 L1T3R4LLY 3V3RY TR0LL 1N 3X1ST3NC3 W0ULD D1S4GR33

GC: 3SP3C14LLY TH0S3 WH0'V3 H4D TH3 M1SF0RTUN3 0F TRY1NG T0 F1LL 4 QU4DR4NT W1TH Y0U. >:/

CG: SHUT UP, PYROPE.

CG: WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING MY QUADRANTS.

CG: THAT TOPIC OF DISCUSSION IS OVER, BYE, FLEW OFF INTO THE SUNSET AND CAUGHT FIRE AND BURNED TO A SOOT THIN

CG: BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND

CG: HOW DO I GET OUT OF THE BACKSEAT???

CG: GOD, DO I HAVE TO SUCK UP TO PYROPE FOR IT????

CG: FINE

CG: TEREZI, WHAT DO YOU WANT?????????

GC: WH4T? >:?

CG: FOR YOUR SEAT!!!!

CG: I’M OFFERING YOU ANYTHING IN EXCHANGE FOR THE FRONT PASSENGER SEAT, THAT’S HOW DESPERATE I AM TO GET OUT OF EQUIUS’ ARMPIT!!!!!!!!

CG: DO YOU WANT TO DO SOME STUPID COIN FLIP FOR IT?? FIGHT ME FOR IT?????? YOU MAY BEAT THE HIDEOUS SYRUP OUT OF MY BODY IF IT MEANS THAT MY BROKEN FORM DOES NOT HAVE TO SQUEEZE INTO THE REAR PORTION OF THAT GASOLINE TRAP!!!!!!

GA: Okay If Youre Going To Fight Please Do It Outside On The Asphalt Carpet

GC: HMMMMMMM … >:]

GC: G0SH, 1 C0ULD G3T K4RK4T T0 D0 4NYTH1NG 1 W4NT?

GC: W0W, 1T’S L1K3 12TH P3R1G33’S 3V3 C4M3 34RLY TH1S Y34R!!!! >:0

CG: OK I WOULD BUTT IN HERE TO SAY “OH, NO, BE REASONABLE PYROPE, I DO HAVE SOME SCRUPLES” BUT AT THIS POINT I DON’T.

CG: I REALLY DON’T.

CG: GET ME AWAY FROM EQUIUS

CG: WHO, I NOTICE, STARTED SWEATING AGAIN WHEN I SAID “BUTT”

CG: YOU ARE A SICK, SICK TROLL, ZAHHAK.

CT: D –> I am not accountable for the 100d language used by low b100ds

AC: :33 < so butt is bad language??

CT: D –> Yes

AC: :33 < you dont want me to say butt???

CT: D –> Yes

CT: D –> I mean no

CT: D –> Stop it at once Nepeta

CT: D –> You will desist immediately

AC: :33 < butt im having fun!!!

CT: D –> Nepeta

CT: D –> No

AC: :33 < butt yes!!!!!

CT: D –> No

AC: :33 < butt yes!!

CT: D –> No

CG: OH GOD, I’M SHUTTING DOWN THIS VAPID COMPETITION IN IDIOCY RIGHT NOW SO THAT WE DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT FOR HOURS

CG: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP.

CG: NEPETA CAN SAY WHATEVER SHE WANTS, EQUIUS IS AN ENORMOUS TOOL – SORRY, T001 – AND TEREZI STILL HASN’T GIVEN ME AN ANSWER

CG: WHAT’S IT GOING TO BE, PYROPE???

CG: HOW SHALL YOU CHOOSE TO HUMILIATE ME?????

CG: I WAIT WITH BAITED BREATH TO FIND OUT!!!! PLEASE EDUCATE ME!!!!!!

GC: W3LL …

GC: 1 M1GHT B3 4M3N4BL3 T0 G1V1NG UP SH0TGUN 1F 1 M0V3D T0 TH3 DR1V3R’S S34T. >:P

GA: No

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUS??

GC: V3RY >:P

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON’T CARE.

CG: SURE. LET THE BLIND GIRL DRIVE

CG: ENDING UP SMEARED ALL OVER THE CONCRETE BEND IS TOTALLY WORTH IT IF IT MEANS BRIEF FREEDOM FROM EQUIUS’ ODOR CLOUD!!!!!!!!

GA: No

GA: Terezi Is Not Driving

GA: For Obvious Reasons

GA: The Only Other Troll Here I Trust To Drive Safely Is Aradia

AA: 0_0

CG: OKAY, I CAN WORK WITH THAT.

CG: ARADIA DRIVES, KANAYA SITS IN THE MIDDLE, AND TAVROS CAN HANG OUT ON MY LAP

CG: I DON’T CARE ABOUT PERSONAL SPACE ANYMORE, JUST THE MOUNTAIN OF SWEAT AND STINK OCCUPYING HALF THE BACKSEAT.

AT: uHHHH,,

AA: 0_0

AA: i d0nt really want t0 drive

AA: but i will if y0u need me t0, kanaya

GA: Im Actually Fine Continuing To Drive

GA: But It Seems Advisable To Take Steps To Avert Further Tantrums From Karkat

GC: 0H, K4N4Y4, TH4T’S 4N 1MP0SS1BL3 DR34M

GC: 1’M S0RRY T0 BURST Y0UR BUBBL3, BUT N0 M4TT3R WH4T Y0U D0, K4RK4T W1LL F1ND S0M3TH1NG 3LS3 T0 SCR34M 4B0UT. >:[

CG: I WOULD LOVE TO STOP YELLING!!!!!!

CG: TO RETIRE MY SHOUT HATCH IS ONE OF MY FONDEST DREAMS!!!

CG: IT GOES VERY CLOSELY WITH THE ONE WHERE I’M NOT SURROUNDED BY THE MOST DISGUSTING MEMBERS OF OUR SPECIES

GA: Okay

GA: Pause Spheres

GA: That Was Members Plural

GA: Besides Equius Who Exactly Are You Referring To

GC: Y34H, 1 N33D T0 KN0W 3X4CTLY H0W MUCH HUM1L14T10N 1 N33D T0 3XTR4CT FR0M Y0U T0 M4K3 UP F0R TH4T R3M4RK. >:/

CG: OH GOD

CG: I JUST ASSUMED THERE MUST BE TWO OF EQUIUS, HE’S TOO ENORMOUSLY AWFUL FOR ONE TROLL

GC: N1C3 S4V3, K4RK4T. >;]

GC: 1’M ST1LL G3TT1NG S0M3 D3F1N1T3 T0RR1D V1B3S 0V3R TH3R3 TH0UGH!!! >:P

CG: GOD

CG: NO

CG: MY HATE FOR EQUIUS IS STRONG, PURE, AND ABSOLUTELY PLATONIC

CG: OH GOD I SAID STRONG

CG: DO NOT GET OFF ON THAT, EQUIUS!! THAT IS AN ORDER!!!!

AC: :33 < ok im purrty sure he wasnt befur but now he is

AC: :33 < you know you cant give him orders and expect him not to instantly purrst into sweat

CG: GOD, MAYBE I’M STUCK DOING IT BECAUSE HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO EVEN HALFWAY LISTENS TO ME

CG: EVEN IF IT IS IN THE MOST DISGUSTING AND INAPPROPRIATE WAY POSSIBLE

CT: D –> I resent that remark

CT: D –> I do not take orders from those who fail to even merit a se%ion of the hemospectrum

AC: :33 < r33lly? because it does kind of look like youre taking orders from karkitty a lot!!!!!!

CT: D –> No

AC: :33 < and it does kind of look like you get r33lly sweaty whenever karkitty tells you what to do!!!!!!!!!!

CT: D –> No

CT: D –> Nepeta

CT: D –> Stop at once

AC: :33 < im just making a simpaw obspurrvation

CT: D –> No

CT: D –> You will stop

AT: uHH, gUYS?

AT: aND, uH, fEMALES TOO, i DON’T WANT TO, eXCLUDE ANYONE

AT: tHE GUY AT THE COUNTER IS, kIND OF, gLARING AT US

AT: aND i THINK IT MIGHT BE, bECAUSE, wE’VE ALL FINISHED OUR FOOD, bUT WE’RE STILL HERE

AT: aND THERE ARE PEOPLE, lOOKING FOR TABLES

AA: tavr0s is right

AA: we sh0uld get back 0n the r0ad

CG: I AM NOT RE-ENTERING THAT GASOLINE TRAP UNTIL MY SEAT IS CHANGED

CG: YOU CAN CONTINUE WITHOUT ME. I WILL SIMPLY EKE OUT A LIVING HERE AT ECTO BURGER, SLEEPING UNDER EMPTY TABLES, FEEDING ON THE LEFTOVER MINCED PROTEIN CIRCLES

CG: IT WILL BE PITIFUL BUT I SHALL SURVIVE

GA: Okay Considering How Mad You Made The Kid At The Counter Im Pretty Sure They Wont Let You Stay Here

GC: F111NE K4RK4T Y0U C4N H4V3 SH0TGUN

GC: 1’LL B3 N1C3 4ND JUST R3QU1R3 4 PR0M1S3 T0 SHUT UP

GC: 1F Y0U ST4RT THR0W1NG AN0TH3R T4NTRUM 1 G3T MY S34T B4CK

GC: 1N TH3 M1DDL3 0F TH3 R04D 1F N33D B3!! >:P

GA: Im Not Going To Let You Clamber Around The Gasoline Trap While It Is Moving At Potentially Lethal Speeds

GA: But Otherwise This Sounds Like A Decent Solution

GC: BUT!!!!

GC: F0R MY N0S3’S S4K3 1’M N0T S1TT1NG N3XT T0 3QU1US

GC: S0, K4RK4T, Y0U’LL H4V3 T0 F1GUR3 0UT H0W T0 M4K3 TH4T H4PP3N. >:[

AA: i will drive

AA: kanaya can sit in the middle

AA: and tavr0s can sit on terezis lap

AA: d0es that s0und g00d t0 every0ne

AA: can we finally get 0ut 0f here

AT: uHH, i GUESS, iF tEREZI’S OKAY WITH IT

GC: 0K!

GA: Thats Settled Then

GA: Lets Go


End file.
